Almost a week.

Me, myself and I. Being of sound mind and good-grief what has happened to my body!?!

First one thing then another and I have decided that I am just ready to die... I cannot eat/drink or swallow without crying in misery. My pain level is so out of control that I cannot even function to take care of SueBell... and believe me she has noticed. Her favorite place to hit me over the last few days is on the side of my neck... owwww!

So... I want to be buried in Kaysville. By a tree. I don't care which tree. I just know I will want to be in the shade when summer comes. I want my Hubby to be stuck raising all of our children, by himself, because he should have some punishment in life besides the teenagers liking him best. Oh, and I need a spot next to me saved for him....I cannot sleep if he isn't on my right side.

I want there to be lots of crying. Weeping and wailing really. I have had enough of the teeth gnashing so forget that part. Oh, and no green jello at the family dinner. Green jello burns going down and it is part of what is killing me so pick a different color.

As far as what to do with MY life insurance money. Easy... I want MY house paid off. MY bills paid off. MY children cared for. I want MY wants to come first for a change! Even if I am dead.



Hhmmm.... what else?

Oh, I know. Can someone boil some water for my broth?

Gotta get off these pills.

I think this time of the year is always the hardest for me. The holidays begin their steady march across my calendar and my front door changes its dressing in accordance and the old steady feeling of lonliness and longing creep in around the edges. I long for my family at home and for those times of togetherness.

When I got married the first time and moved out of my parents home I forever changed those relationships with my family. Which is how is is supposed to be to some extend I guess.

I missed a lot of my sisters lives as my own children took center stage. I feel like that missing of their lives has gotten so much wider over these last couple of years. I feel great sadness over that loss.

Maybe it is the time of year, or maybe it is the glorious pain pills I am on but I need to tell my sisters how great I think they are. I know that our struggles are different but I think we all are trying to believe in that happy ending that is not so easy to find. I am super proud of the amazing women that you have grown-up to be. There are many days that I envy you and not a day goes by that I do not wish that we were closer. I love you and I am always here for you.

Zen moment for the month.

I should have just left the tonsils alone!

Now what?

After spending the night in the hospital on Thursday I came home on Friday and have actually been doing okay. I will admit that the Oxycontin pills have certainly helped to maintain that nice warm glowy feeling. :)

Surgery went well. My hips are sore from the event ... they prop your knees up against your ears apparently and I am not very bendy. Mostly though I am doing good. I am not supposed to lift anything bigger than a gallon of milk for a couple of weeks but I have broken that rule a few times without too much agony.

My hubby has gone back to work so it is all just me and the baby for the next few weeks of recouping. Hopefully I will just heal really fast. I have things to do.