Battles to be won?

Lots of memories, good and bad, swirl through my brain this time of year as I try to figure out hiding places for gifts that I need to not forget about. I was always amazed as a kid that there was "one more" gift pulled out of nowhere... I have learned that gift was most likely forgotten until just that moment. Anyway...

Lately as I have been having my internal struggle and after a very explosive emotional outburst that left not only myself and my Blonde son in tears but my Hubby not speaking to me for a few days (long story, same no progress ending) I have had a sentence from a scripture bouncing around amidst all of the chaos in my brain.

I know why this has been in my mind.

I guess I just need to try harder. Have more faith my Hubby tells me.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding."

I am trying. Isn't that the point?

I do Believe.

Christmas is coming and Blonde's list is long. He adds to it every day so I have hidden it. Brownie doesn't want much but has expensive ideas. Squish and Jellybean just want it ALL.

I remember growing up that every year Christmas was being cancelled by my Daddy. I am sure Mother never agreed to the idea because Santa always came. I can remember sneaking out to see if Santa had visited in the wee pre-dawn hours and I don't remember ever being disappointed. I do remember hearing Daddy yell from across the house... "Go back to bed!"... Good memories.

The year before I got divorced I lived in Sunset and Santa delivered Christmas with a great feast included to our front door. His elves had been "gifting" us for the previous 11 days with cookies and stories and had never once been seen. And we watched for them. That year had been a hard one for me and my sons and somehow Santa knew and he came through for us. I was amazed and so greatful to whomever had taken care of us.

Again, the very next year Santa left two great big black bags on our doorstep. Full of treats and presents for my children. By this time we were living single in Kaysville in Noah's ark and struggling to survive in our little family. Again I was amazed and we were truly blessed by the generosity of an unknow Santa who cared about us having a Christmas too.

We have never needed that Santa again but the memory of it lives in my heart and brings a tear to my eye. Whoever you are... thank you for sharing with us.

I love Christmas morning with my boys. The only problem is it all goes so fast and then it is over. There is wrapping paper up to your belly button all over the house, candy smushed in the carpet and the Daddy snoring on the couch. Fortunately the memories can last much longer than the smell of the turkey cooking for dinner.

Anyway... I hope Santa has worked out a game plan for my Kids... because personally I am not ready yet for Christmas to arrive. Anybody seen the tape?

Vacation Bliss.

For our 10th Wedding Anniversary celebration we were blessed to be able to take all of our children to the Happiest Place on Earth. We spent two wonderful sunny days there and had a wonderful time. We all rode rides and got wet and acted like little children.



There were a few moments of tension... what vacation would be complete without that?... Blonde would not ride on rollercoasters but Squish would. Yea, Squish! It was great to watch his eyes glow as he got off the rides holding Brownie's hand. :)



The hubby and I did not get a whole lot of "alone" time but then again we had the boys when we said "I do" so we figured why should this be different.



We saw Stitch, Mickey Mouse, Mator, Chip and Dale, Goofy and many others. We watched the Parade and got to cheer that we were there to Celebrate an Anniversary. We watched the fireworks and I cried. (I saw other moms do it to so I am not the only loser.)



All in all I wish we could have stayed for just one more day. There were some rides that we missed. But we were so lucky to have been there at all (Thanks, Banana!) that we cannot even complain.



I loved being there with all of my children. I enjoyed going on rides with them. Watching them build their brotherly relationships and how they all tried to include Princess Petey in the fun. She will have absolutely no memory of this... which means we will have to go back someday.



Maybe for our 20th.....:)

Almost a week.

Me, myself and I. Being of sound mind and good-grief what has happened to my body!?!

First one thing then another and I have decided that I am just ready to die... I cannot eat/drink or swallow without crying in misery. My pain level is so out of control that I cannot even function to take care of SueBell... and believe me she has noticed. Her favorite place to hit me over the last few days is on the side of my neck... owwww!

So... I want to be buried in Kaysville. By a tree. I don't care which tree. I just know I will want to be in the shade when summer comes. I want my Hubby to be stuck raising all of our children, by himself, because he should have some punishment in life besides the teenagers liking him best. Oh, and I need a spot next to me saved for him....I cannot sleep if he isn't on my right side.

I want there to be lots of crying. Weeping and wailing really. I have had enough of the teeth gnashing so forget that part. Oh, and no green jello at the family dinner. Green jello burns going down and it is part of what is killing me so pick a different color.

As far as what to do with MY life insurance money. Easy... I want MY house paid off. MY bills paid off. MY children cared for. I want MY wants to come first for a change! Even if I am dead.



Hhmmm.... what else?

Oh, I know. Can someone boil some water for my broth?