My stake is kind of weird. Every time I turn around there is a new "rule" that our Stake President has come up with or new "activity" that we all "need" to participate in. Sometimes I wonder what he is playing at. Anyway, that being said...
I received an email a few weeks ago from our Stake Relief Society peoples about a new program they are wanting the Sisters to participate in. I was not too enthusiastic when I saw this but as I read the email I really like the idea behind it.
Basically, they (the RS) have given us something to think about for a week. We are invited to study and ponder on this idea and then journal about it. Sounds simple enough, right? And since in my "real" journal I have not yet brought Princess Petey into this world I thought I could do my journaling here (nobody reads this anyway..let's us just be honest..)
Week 1... What is the meaning of your life? The Purpose? The Direction? Elaine Dalton said, "Did you know that Heavenly Father knows you personally-by name?"
Week 2... The path to our ultimate goal of eternal life in the presence of Heavenly Father and his son, Jesus Christ, leads to the temple. "Your endowment is, to receive all those ordinances in the house of the Lord, which are necessary for you,...."
Week 3... To be devoted to Jesus Christ means we are trying to be like him. "What does it mean to seek the face of the Savior?"
Week 4... A patriarchal blessing literally contains chapters from your book of eternal possibilities. "Your patriarchal blessing is to you a personal Liahona to chart your course and guide your way.: Pres. Monson.
I had such good intentions to do this but to be honest I did not survive week one. I have stopped participating in this new opportunity. Let me try to explain why. I have not quit because I am lazy or too busy, although both reasons are true. I have quit because I am not sure.
Anyone who has read my latest few postings (which is no one..) knows of the difficulties I have been having with Brownie. He has cast out not only all of my Beliefs but also my GOD. He has not only decided that a mission is not for him but that the Gospel is not either. My Spirit has suffered painful, tear filled attacks at the hands of my son. I feel like I have failed him. Which makes me question.. I have worked so hard to help my son be grounded in the Gospel and he has fallen away.
What did I do wrong or not do right? And how do I fix it for the other kids?
From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to be a great mom, to be correct. Kind of like June Cleaver, without the pearls. I have made some dandy mistakes in my efforts along the way but I have tried to make sure that my down falls were not repeated by me and that the lessons I learned were lessons that my children (or sisters, for that matter) could look at and perhaps use as warning beacons to help steer them in the correct direction. I am not sure it has worked.
My son has chosen to move in with is girlfriend. Yes, we all know what that means and I am heart broken over his choices. He once commented to me that I get too emotional about things. He is right.
I am struggling with not my faith, truly. I am struggling more with my PLACE in the whole thing. Am I being punished for the stupid things I did? Is somehow my Son just "getting me back" for the grief I caused my parents? Have I not been forgiven for my misdeeds of the past? I had thought I had been. Lately, I am not so certain. I feel so alone in my heartache.
Mostly, since Week 1, I wonder... Does the Lord even remember I am here?
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Hurt feelings.
My oldest son has informed me that I treat him and his siblings like pets. I don't know what that means. He has also informed me that while he does not necessarily hate me he hates everything about me. And if he could find somewhere else to live and some means of how to get away from me he would be happy to go. "You wanted me to be honest?" I never said to be mean.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Dr .Seuss speaks again!
I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan ,
I do not like this 'YES, WE CAN'.
I do not like this spending spree---
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.
I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!
Go green - recycle Congress in 2010!
I do not like his health care scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan ,
I do not like this 'YES, WE CAN'.
I do not like this spending spree---
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.
I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!
Go green - recycle Congress in 2010!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Found this on Lizzie's.
You are The Moon
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
If only...
A man was riding his Harley along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time...
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind."
The biker thought about it for a long time...
Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Changed their minds.
We have seen way too many doctors but they have finally pretty much decided what is wrong with my Princess. They are 98% certain that she does not have LCPD but Meyer dysplacia.... ???
Meyer dysplasia is a rare condition that affects the femoral epiphysis in young children. This developmental disorder of the hip is characterized by delayed, irregular ossification of the femoral epiphyseal nucleus. Onset usually occurs in the second year of life, and the disorder usually disappears by the end of the sixth year.
Meyer dysplasia likely represents a physiologic variant of ossification of the femoral head. In most cases, the disorder is asymptomatic and is discovered incidentally on radiographs obtained for other reasons....
Meyer dysplasia may be easily confused with more serious conditions such as osteomyelitis and Perthes disease, but knowledgle of this condition can prevent unnecessary hospitalization and treatment.
.
Basically, at the top of Princess Petey's thigh bones where she is developing her hip joints there is a problem with the little bone that sits at the top inside the joint. Her left bone is quite shrunken and that is why it is causing her pain while in her right one there is a small divot that can be seen.
According to the Dr. we will need to watch her closely but that over time she will heal completely and by the time she is 6 we will be unable to believe she ever had any problem. Anyway, long story short... according to the Dr. she will okay.
Thankfully she is walking and appears to be pain free at this point in time. We go back in for x-rays again in March to see if there is any change. (The most interesting thing I found out in all of this is that my Daddy's foster sister has had LCPD for her entire life...)
So... we will really just have to wait and see....
Meyer dysplasia is a rare condition that affects the femoral epiphysis in young children. This developmental disorder of the hip is characterized by delayed, irregular ossification of the femoral epiphyseal nucleus. Onset usually occurs in the second year of life, and the disorder usually disappears by the end of the sixth year.
Meyer dysplasia likely represents a physiologic variant of ossification of the femoral head. In most cases, the disorder is asymptomatic and is discovered incidentally on radiographs obtained for other reasons....
Meyer dysplasia may be easily confused with more serious conditions such as osteomyelitis and Perthes disease, but knowledgle of this condition can prevent unnecessary hospitalization and treatment.
.
Basically, at the top of Princess Petey's thigh bones where she is developing her hip joints there is a problem with the little bone that sits at the top inside the joint. Her left bone is quite shrunken and that is why it is causing her pain while in her right one there is a small divot that can be seen.
According to the Dr. we will need to watch her closely but that over time she will heal completely and by the time she is 6 we will be unable to believe she ever had any problem. Anyway, long story short... according to the Dr. she will okay.
Thankfully she is walking and appears to be pain free at this point in time. We go back in for x-rays again in March to see if there is any change. (The most interesting thing I found out in all of this is that my Daddy's foster sister has had LCPD for her entire life...)
So... we will really just have to wait and see....
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Buyer Beware.
Apparently my daughter has reached the end of her warrenty period and is trying to fall apart. We have been to the Doctor/hospital/ER far too many time over the last several days.
For those that do not know Princess Petey began limping on Jan. 16 and things have progressively gotten not better. Today we will be going to an orthopedic surgeon at a Children's hospital and see if they have any answers as to the "whys" and "hows" and "can it be fixed" questions that are taking over our lives.
Here is a brief overview of what the doctors are now considering to be the most likely explanation for her difficulties. I found this on Webmd. :
Legg-Calve-Perthes disease (LCPD) is a disorder that affects the upper part of the thighbone (head of the femur). It occurs most frequently in children between the ages of 3 and 12. Boys are affected about 4 to 5 times as often as girls. Usually only one hip is affected, although it is possible to have LCPD in both hips.
LCPD develops because of loss of blood flow to the head of the femur. This causes breakdown (avascular necrosis) and deformity of the femur in this area. The bone reforms in the hip area when the blood supply returns to normal. During this time, the femur is soft and may easily fracture and collapse. The head of the femur heals in a abnormal shape and does not fit properly into the hip socket, causing stiffness and pain. The cause of LCPD is unknown.
Symptoms of LCPD include:
Difficulty walking or walking with a limp.
Pain in the hip, knee, thigh, or groin.
Muscle spasms.
Loss of muscle mass (atrophy) in the upper thigh.
Decreased movement and stiffness of the hip.
Shortened height.
Treatment depends on the severity of symptoms but may include physical therapy, a brace or cast, or surgery. Occasionally the disease heals on its own without treatment.
Hopefully we will get better answers today. Or even any real answers will be helpful. In the mean-time Princess Petey has been given a blessing and had her name placed in the Temple as well as many prayers on her behalf. I know that She is being watched over and everthing will work out the way it should.
We should just have gotten the extended warrenty plan. Live and learn, I guess.
For those that do not know Princess Petey began limping on Jan. 16 and things have progressively gotten not better. Today we will be going to an orthopedic surgeon at a Children's hospital and see if they have any answers as to the "whys" and "hows" and "can it be fixed" questions that are taking over our lives.
Here is a brief overview of what the doctors are now considering to be the most likely explanation for her difficulties. I found this on Webmd. :
Legg-Calve-Perthes disease (LCPD) is a disorder that affects the upper part of the thighbone (head of the femur). It occurs most frequently in children between the ages of 3 and 12. Boys are affected about 4 to 5 times as often as girls. Usually only one hip is affected, although it is possible to have LCPD in both hips.
LCPD develops because of loss of blood flow to the head of the femur. This causes breakdown (avascular necrosis) and deformity of the femur in this area. The bone reforms in the hip area when the blood supply returns to normal. During this time, the femur is soft and may easily fracture and collapse. The head of the femur heals in a abnormal shape and does not fit properly into the hip socket, causing stiffness and pain. The cause of LCPD is unknown.
Symptoms of LCPD include:
Difficulty walking or walking with a limp.
Pain in the hip, knee, thigh, or groin.
Muscle spasms.
Loss of muscle mass (atrophy) in the upper thigh.
Decreased movement and stiffness of the hip.
Shortened height.
Treatment depends on the severity of symptoms but may include physical therapy, a brace or cast, or surgery. Occasionally the disease heals on its own without treatment.
Hopefully we will get better answers today. Or even any real answers will be helpful. In the mean-time Princess Petey has been given a blessing and had her name placed in the Temple as well as many prayers on her behalf. I know that She is being watched over and everthing will work out the way it should.
We should just have gotten the extended warrenty plan. Live and learn, I guess.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Shrug.
Today is one of those typical bleak, slightly cold winter days outside and I am being naughty and simply watching a movie while Princess Petey has a nap. the movie is called Lake House with Sandra Bullock in it. She is in the future but falling in love with Keanu Reeves in the past. My brain is having a few issues with the time difference but it has made me wonder. What if we could go back?
This morning I was talking to Brownie about his bio-dad and some of the things that had made our marriage an impossibility. There were many things and differences between the two of us that made our marriage being a lasting a thing a non-chance. And that's okay.
I have often offered to my Hubby that if we could go back in time that I would gladly be B's mother and have him be the father of all of my children. He usually rubs my head and laughs at me in that sweet way that I love. Both of us fully knowing that we would not be us and our children would not be our children if that had occurred. But it is always nice to hear him say he wishes he had married me first.
Good or bad, life makes us who we are. My first born so very much reminds me of his father and I can remember what I found attractive about him all those years ago. The good things have been passed down to my children with my amazingness added in to make them both great boys.
I wouldn't change a thing about whow they are now or the men that they are becoming. Not with any of my children... they are all exactly who God intended them to be. Which is pretty great if you ask me.
This morning I was talking to Brownie about his bio-dad and some of the things that had made our marriage an impossibility. There were many things and differences between the two of us that made our marriage being a lasting a thing a non-chance. And that's okay.
I have often offered to my Hubby that if we could go back in time that I would gladly be B's mother and have him be the father of all of my children. He usually rubs my head and laughs at me in that sweet way that I love. Both of us fully knowing that we would not be us and our children would not be our children if that had occurred. But it is always nice to hear him say he wishes he had married me first.
Good or bad, life makes us who we are. My first born so very much reminds me of his father and I can remember what I found attractive about him all those years ago. The good things have been passed down to my children with my amazingness added in to make them both great boys.
I wouldn't change a thing about whow they are now or the men that they are becoming. Not with any of my children... they are all exactly who God intended them to be. Which is pretty great if you ask me.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Battles to be won?
Lots of memories, good and bad, swirl through my brain this time of year as I try to figure out hiding places for gifts that I need to not forget about. I was always amazed as a kid that there was "one more" gift pulled out of nowhere... I have learned that gift was most likely forgotten until just that moment. Anyway...
Lately as I have been having my internal struggle and after a very explosive emotional outburst that left not only myself and my Blonde son in tears but my Hubby not speaking to me for a few days (long story, same no progress ending) I have had a sentence from a scripture bouncing around amidst all of the chaos in my brain.
I know why this has been in my mind.
I guess I just need to try harder. Have more faith my Hubby tells me.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding."
I am trying. Isn't that the point?
Lately as I have been having my internal struggle and after a very explosive emotional outburst that left not only myself and my Blonde son in tears but my Hubby not speaking to me for a few days (long story, same no progress ending) I have had a sentence from a scripture bouncing around amidst all of the chaos in my brain.
I know why this has been in my mind.
I guess I just need to try harder. Have more faith my Hubby tells me.
Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart: and lean not unto thine own understanding."
I am trying. Isn't that the point?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I do Believe.
Christmas is coming and Blonde's list is long. He adds to it every day so I have hidden it. Brownie doesn't want much but has expensive ideas. Squish and Jellybean just want it ALL.
I remember growing up that every year Christmas was being cancelled by my Daddy. I am sure Mother never agreed to the idea because Santa always came. I can remember sneaking out to see if Santa had visited in the wee pre-dawn hours and I don't remember ever being disappointed. I do remember hearing Daddy yell from across the house... "Go back to bed!"... Good memories.
The year before I got divorced I lived in Sunset and Santa delivered Christmas with a great feast included to our front door. His elves had been "gifting" us for the previous 11 days with cookies and stories and had never once been seen. And we watched for them. That year had been a hard one for me and my sons and somehow Santa knew and he came through for us. I was amazed and so greatful to whomever had taken care of us.
Again, the very next year Santa left two great big black bags on our doorstep. Full of treats and presents for my children. By this time we were living single in Kaysville in Noah's ark and struggling to survive in our little family. Again I was amazed and we were truly blessed by the generosity of an unknow Santa who cared about us having a Christmas too.
We have never needed that Santa again but the memory of it lives in my heart and brings a tear to my eye. Whoever you are... thank you for sharing with us.
I love Christmas morning with my boys. The only problem is it all goes so fast and then it is over. There is wrapping paper up to your belly button all over the house, candy smushed in the carpet and the Daddy snoring on the couch. Fortunately the memories can last much longer than the smell of the turkey cooking for dinner.
Anyway... I hope Santa has worked out a game plan for my Kids... because personally I am not ready yet for Christmas to arrive. Anybody seen the tape?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Vacation Bliss.
For our 10th Wedding Anniversary celebration we were blessed to be able to take all of our children to the Happiest Place on Earth. We spent two wonderful sunny days there and had a wonderful time. We all rode rides and got wet and acted like little children.
There were a few moments of tension... what vacation would be complete without that?... Blonde would not ride on rollercoasters but Squish would. Yea, Squish! It was great to watch his eyes glow as he got off the rides holding Brownie's hand. :)
The hubby and I did not get a whole lot of "alone" time but then again we had the boys when we said "I do" so we figured why should this be different.
We saw Stitch, Mickey Mouse, Mator, Chip and Dale, Goofy and many others. We watched the Parade and got to cheer that we were there to Celebrate an Anniversary. We watched the fireworks and I cried. (I saw other moms do it to so I am not the only loser.)
All in all I wish we could have stayed for just one more day. There were some rides that we missed. But we were so lucky to have been there at all (Thanks, Banana!) that we cannot even complain.
I loved being there with all of my children. I enjoyed going on rides with them. Watching them build their brotherly relationships and how they all tried to include Princess Petey in the fun. She will have absolutely no memory of this... which means we will have to go back someday.
Maybe for our 20th.....:)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Almost a week.
Me, myself and I. Being of sound mind and good-grief what has happened to my body!?!
First one thing then another and I have decided that I am just ready to die... I cannot eat/drink or swallow without crying in misery. My pain level is so out of control that I cannot even function to take care of SueBell... and believe me she has noticed. Her favorite place to hit me over the last few days is on the side of my neck... owwww!
So... I want to be buried in Kaysville. By a tree. I don't care which tree. I just know I will want to be in the shade when summer comes. I want my Hubby to be stuck raising all of our children, by himself, because he should have some punishment in life besides the teenagers liking him best. Oh, and I need a spot next to me saved for him....I cannot sleep if he isn't on my right side.
I want there to be lots of crying. Weeping and wailing really. I have had enough of the teeth gnashing so forget that part. Oh, and no green jello at the family dinner. Green jello burns going down and it is part of what is killing me so pick a different color.
As far as what to do with MY life insurance money. Easy... I want MY house paid off. MY bills paid off. MY children cared for. I want MY wants to come first for a change! Even if I am dead.
Hhmmm.... what else?
Oh, I know. Can someone boil some water for my broth?
First one thing then another and I have decided that I am just ready to die... I cannot eat/drink or swallow without crying in misery. My pain level is so out of control that I cannot even function to take care of SueBell... and believe me she has noticed. Her favorite place to hit me over the last few days is on the side of my neck... owwww!
So... I want to be buried in Kaysville. By a tree. I don't care which tree. I just know I will want to be in the shade when summer comes. I want my Hubby to be stuck raising all of our children, by himself, because he should have some punishment in life besides the teenagers liking him best. Oh, and I need a spot next to me saved for him....I cannot sleep if he isn't on my right side.
I want there to be lots of crying. Weeping and wailing really. I have had enough of the teeth gnashing so forget that part. Oh, and no green jello at the family dinner. Green jello burns going down and it is part of what is killing me so pick a different color.
As far as what to do with MY life insurance money. Easy... I want MY house paid off. MY bills paid off. MY children cared for. I want MY wants to come first for a change! Even if I am dead.
Hhmmm.... what else?
Oh, I know. Can someone boil some water for my broth?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Gotta get off these pills.
I think this time of the year is always the hardest for me. The holidays begin their steady march across my calendar and my front door changes its dressing in accordance and the old steady feeling of lonliness and longing creep in around the edges. I long for my family at home and for those times of togetherness.
When I got married the first time and moved out of my parents home I forever changed those relationships with my family. Which is how is is supposed to be to some extend I guess.
I missed a lot of my sisters lives as my own children took center stage. I feel like that missing of their lives has gotten so much wider over these last couple of years. I feel great sadness over that loss.
Maybe it is the time of year, or maybe it is the glorious pain pills I am on but I need to tell my sisters how great I think they are. I know that our struggles are different but I think we all are trying to believe in that happy ending that is not so easy to find. I am super proud of the amazing women that you have grown-up to be. There are many days that I envy you and not a day goes by that I do not wish that we were closer. I love you and I am always here for you.
When I got married the first time and moved out of my parents home I forever changed those relationships with my family. Which is how is is supposed to be to some extend I guess.
I missed a lot of my sisters lives as my own children took center stage. I feel like that missing of their lives has gotten so much wider over these last couple of years. I feel great sadness over that loss.
Maybe it is the time of year, or maybe it is the glorious pain pills I am on but I need to tell my sisters how great I think they are. I know that our struggles are different but I think we all are trying to believe in that happy ending that is not so easy to find. I am super proud of the amazing women that you have grown-up to be. There are many days that I envy you and not a day goes by that I do not wish that we were closer. I love you and I am always here for you.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Now what?
After spending the night in the hospital on Thursday I came home on Friday and have actually been doing okay. I will admit that the Oxycontin pills have certainly helped to maintain that nice warm glowy feeling. :)
Surgery went well. My hips are sore from the event ... they prop your knees up against your ears apparently and I am not very bendy. Mostly though I am doing good. I am not supposed to lift anything bigger than a gallon of milk for a couple of weeks but I have broken that rule a few times without too much agony.
My hubby has gone back to work so it is all just me and the baby for the next few weeks of recouping. Hopefully I will just heal really fast. I have things to do.
Surgery went well. My hips are sore from the event ... they prop your knees up against your ears apparently and I am not very bendy. Mostly though I am doing good. I am not supposed to lift anything bigger than a gallon of milk for a couple of weeks but I have broken that rule a few times without too much agony.
My hubby has gone back to work so it is all just me and the baby for the next few weeks of recouping. Hopefully I will just heal really fast. I have things to do.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
What does that make me?
Well the day before the day of has finally arrived. I have made all of the arrangements for the kids and the Hubby to be cared for in my brief absence. I know exactly what I am sending with Princess Petey to spend the day with her "borrowed" grandma (her real one won't come up) for the whole day. Everything should go smoothly.
For those who do not know what I am talking about... I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning at 7am. This has been a long time in coming but must taken care of for my body to ever be "normal" again. (What is normal?)
Anyway... because of the pneumonia that I enjoyed while I was pregnant with Princess Petey I now get to go and have a hysterectomy along with some other hopefully minor reconstruction.
I will have to spend one night in the hospital and then about three weeks recouping. That is the optimistic plan at least. The nurse yesterday made it all sound so very much worse. My Mother called me yesterday to tell me what it said in her medical book. She informed me that I will no longer have periods. (YEA!!) She also wanted to know where all the blood will go or will I just fill up and explode.?.?...Huh?
So all night last night I dreamed about being on the surgery table and blowing up as soon as the doctor touched me. Before that I really was only worried about if this surgery will make me an IT. You know like when you take your cat in to get fixed. She's a she at the beginning and an It by the time things are done.
Either way... the whole thing will be over tomorrow afternoon. I guess we will know all the answers then.
For those who do not know what I am talking about... I am scheduled for surgery tomorrow morning at 7am. This has been a long time in coming but must taken care of for my body to ever be "normal" again. (What is normal?)
Anyway... because of the pneumonia that I enjoyed while I was pregnant with Princess Petey I now get to go and have a hysterectomy along with some other hopefully minor reconstruction.
I will have to spend one night in the hospital and then about three weeks recouping. That is the optimistic plan at least. The nurse yesterday made it all sound so very much worse. My Mother called me yesterday to tell me what it said in her medical book. She informed me that I will no longer have periods. (YEA!!) She also wanted to know where all the blood will go or will I just fill up and explode.?.?...Huh?
So all night last night I dreamed about being on the surgery table and blowing up as soon as the doctor touched me. Before that I really was only worried about if this surgery will make me an IT. You know like when you take your cat in to get fixed. She's a she at the beginning and an It by the time things are done.
Either way... the whole thing will be over tomorrow afternoon. I guess we will know all the answers then.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Peace...be still.
When we go to church on Sundays I carry with me a very large black bag. This back was given to me as a diaper bag by my Hubby's mother. My children call her Banana. This bag that Banana sent could very easy hold the entire population of a small country in its depths. I cannot imagine every needing that much space for baby items... hmmm.
Anyway, in this bag I carry all of the items that we could need for a Sunday. As the Primary Secretary I carry all of my rolls, my Great Big Book of Everything, several different colored sheets of extra paper (My Pres. always asks "do you happen to have a sheet of _____ paper? I only need one.")pens, pencils. I used to also carry tape and a stapler but somehow even though we are at church those two things have been stolen. I also carry in my bag the items that might come in handy with Princess Petey. Change of clothes, diapers, wipers, a few quiet (hahaha) toys and some finger snacks.
Invariably the pockets on this bag always wind up carrying extra things that I forget about. Old programs, papers the boys have colored in class, invites to baby showers or Relief Society gatherings that I have no intention to attend, that sort of thing. The collection of these extra items usually make a slow journey to the recycling box but one such paper caught my eye the other day and I have been thinking about it off and on ever since.
It was a simple sheet of paper to mark of on which chapters of the Book of Mormon that you have read. A cute design. But what caught my attention were the words at the bottom. I didn't notice who read them but I am certain that was not the important part. The words said...
If you are too busy to pray and read your scriptures you are busier than Heavenly Father meant you to be."
In my world there is always somewhere I/We have to go. A game, a practice, a meeting for one group or the other. There are endless chores to be done, phone calls to return, Scouts and Primary to prepare for, homework to do, etc. and etc. Not to mention that stupid kindergarten bus.
I honestly cannot remember the last time I sat down with my scriptures for more than that quick look for a child's talk or Primary scripture. I also know that I have fallen asleep far too often during prayers before crawling into bed. I imagine my life is not the only one that is this way. :)
The Visiting Teaching message from my Ladies yesterday was something about an oak tree and it's roots being strongly fixed in the ground being able to withstand the outside turmoil. I listened and think there is a message I am supposed to be receiving. It was hard to follow though because of the two little boys I was babysitting demanding my attention, Kenji needing to ask a question and the dumb timer going off to remind me it was time to get ready for the Bus. Ugh.
I am not really sure how to "prune" back my world. How does a person do that?
Anyway, in this bag I carry all of the items that we could need for a Sunday. As the Primary Secretary I carry all of my rolls, my Great Big Book of Everything, several different colored sheets of extra paper (My Pres. always asks "do you happen to have a sheet of _____ paper? I only need one.")pens, pencils. I used to also carry tape and a stapler but somehow even though we are at church those two things have been stolen. I also carry in my bag the items that might come in handy with Princess Petey. Change of clothes, diapers, wipers, a few quiet (hahaha) toys and some finger snacks.
Invariably the pockets on this bag always wind up carrying extra things that I forget about. Old programs, papers the boys have colored in class, invites to baby showers or Relief Society gatherings that I have no intention to attend, that sort of thing. The collection of these extra items usually make a slow journey to the recycling box but one such paper caught my eye the other day and I have been thinking about it off and on ever since.
It was a simple sheet of paper to mark of on which chapters of the Book of Mormon that you have read. A cute design. But what caught my attention were the words at the bottom. I didn't notice who read them but I am certain that was not the important part. The words said...
If you are too busy to pray and read your scriptures you are busier than Heavenly Father meant you to be."
In my world there is always somewhere I/We have to go. A game, a practice, a meeting for one group or the other. There are endless chores to be done, phone calls to return, Scouts and Primary to prepare for, homework to do, etc. and etc. Not to mention that stupid kindergarten bus.
I honestly cannot remember the last time I sat down with my scriptures for more than that quick look for a child's talk or Primary scripture. I also know that I have fallen asleep far too often during prayers before crawling into bed. I imagine my life is not the only one that is this way. :)
The Visiting Teaching message from my Ladies yesterday was something about an oak tree and it's roots being strongly fixed in the ground being able to withstand the outside turmoil. I listened and think there is a message I am supposed to be receiving. It was hard to follow though because of the two little boys I was babysitting demanding my attention, Kenji needing to ask a question and the dumb timer going off to remind me it was time to get ready for the Bus. Ugh.
I am not really sure how to "prune" back my world. How does a person do that?
Monday, September 14, 2009
As long as you are under my roof.
The smell in the air has changed and most of the time there is that little bit of a chill in the air. Which only means it is time for school to be back in session. By the time it is time for school to begin I am usually so much more than ready to send my sons back to school.
And yet...
There is the terrible sensation of having to let them actually go back to school.
The first day of school for me is the worst. Without fail I end up calling my Hubby and crying about 'whose dumb idea was it' for the kids to go to school. This is not just a fit I do with the little ones either. My house gets far too quiet and I get lonely for all of them.
Now this sadness does wear off rather quickly and soon I begin looking forward to a stable routine. Bus times. Early outs. Not having to fix lunch. I do adjust to them being gone.
If I could only fiqure out a way to not have them get older every year, closer to the time when they will leave for real. That is the part I really dread.
And yet...
There is the terrible sensation of having to let them actually go back to school.
The first day of school for me is the worst. Without fail I end up calling my Hubby and crying about 'whose dumb idea was it' for the kids to go to school. This is not just a fit I do with the little ones either. My house gets far too quiet and I get lonely for all of them.
Now this sadness does wear off rather quickly and soon I begin looking forward to a stable routine. Bus times. Early outs. Not having to fix lunch. I do adjust to them being gone.
If I could only fiqure out a way to not have them get older every year, closer to the time when they will leave for real. That is the part I really dread.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
All Passengers May Now Board...
I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop beating around the bush and just state facts. No, my clan and I will not be making the trip home this summer nor any where in the distant forseeable future.
Why, you ask... or not.
My hubby and I have tried to figure out the easiest/cheapest/shortest way to make this visit possible. First of all, there was not ever going to be a time when all of us could make the journey which meant either me driving/flying alone or making a 36 hour visit after a long 13 hour drive down. This idea did not appeal to me much so we moved on to option two...
which consisted of my flying down with the three youngest and spending almost two weeks... this method while faster for the Princess would cost around $1200 for airfare, hotel and rental car.
This option also had to be cast aside... we came to the unhappy decision that our money tree would in no way be able to keep up with the many demands that we will be placing upon it this year with 5 chidren in school, 1 football player, 1 college student, 2 Seniors, 1 Disneyland Band trip, 1 constantly growing girl and numerous trips to Walmart for milk.
So... if anyone THERE wants to come HERE... I guarantee it will be cheaper/faster/shorter for you to come to us than for us to come to you.
Call me when your plane lands.... :)
Why, you ask... or not.
My hubby and I have tried to figure out the easiest/cheapest/shortest way to make this visit possible. First of all, there was not ever going to be a time when all of us could make the journey which meant either me driving/flying alone or making a 36 hour visit after a long 13 hour drive down. This idea did not appeal to me much so we moved on to option two...
which consisted of my flying down with the three youngest and spending almost two weeks... this method while faster for the Princess would cost around $1200 for airfare, hotel and rental car.
This option also had to be cast aside... we came to the unhappy decision that our money tree would in no way be able to keep up with the many demands that we will be placing upon it this year with 5 chidren in school, 1 football player, 1 college student, 2 Seniors, 1 Disneyland Band trip, 1 constantly growing girl and numerous trips to Walmart for milk.
So... if anyone THERE wants to come HERE... I guarantee it will be cheaper/faster/shorter for you to come to us than for us to come to you.
Call me when your plane lands.... :)
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